Letter from AKPETESHIE

Greetings!

Obviously I need no formal introduction. Most of you know me, “akpeteshie”. I know this for a fact, the name sounds funny. You can try pronouncing it. Honestly, when I found out the name you guys had given me I had a really good laugh. I learnt my name means “they-are-hiding’ in the Ga language. As to who and who are hiding, I’m yet to find out and I’m glad there is some humour in the story.

I loved it when I used to be sweet, comfortable, not brewed and naturally stuck in sugarcane. In those days, everyone could enjoy me. Well, with the exception of grandma’s without teeth. Now I wreak, and there’s a lot of bitterness in me regardless of all the fancy branding and packaging. Talk of the Ogidigidis, and the Joy Dadies, they paint the perfect picture. Things have never been the same, not after my metamorphosis. This new chemical formula is not for all to consume.

Trapped in a bottle and looking fraudulently innocent, I can still make the pot-bellied man pound his chest. Not the King-Kong kind of chest pounding. Uh uh.. once swallowed, he is not the boss of me. With all my might, that is when I burn… I burn him on the inside, while meandering in his corroded gut. He squeezing his face with shut eyes is only a facade to hide the pain and bitterness he truly feels.

A few more rounds and ooo… the man is already high. What’s next? Staggering steps! They lead him to fall and take a nap in a gutter nearby; most of the time, it’s the same one that always gets him when he attempts crossing to get home. Sadly, after a few hours, a brother will rise up and come crawling back to me at the bar wanting more. Yes more! “Ma me tot baako nka ho!” he says, not knowing that one can never get enough of me. See, this I know, because this guy and I, our relationship has never been exclusive. I’ve got other lovers besides him and they are just like him.

For many, the obsession is so deep that sometimes it scares me the Akpeteshie. Whenever there’s breakup, and all the fake resolutions are recited, they always find me with a cedi or two. A few more dates and bam!  We are right back where we left off. I really have no say in the matter, so I just go with flow. It is really hard being me. In fact, my eyes are all teary writing this letter.

I am extremely sorry an experiment turned me into a Frankenstein. Oh I truly am. But the good news is you have the power to control me so I don’t get out of hand. I can’t lead, I honestly don’t know how to! So please take this little advise; don’t make me the boss of you. You really cannot afford!

Truly Yours,

Akpete.

akpeteshie

 

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