I encountered a lot of misconceptions about Ewes during my childhood. To me e-w-e equaled trouble. I remember vividly telling an older cousin of mine that I could never marry one. She laughed and told me that I couldn’t be too sure about that. Teasingly she added that I might even end up having babies with one after all.
Years later, I began carving my own philosophies and amongst them was the fact that efie biaa mensah wo mu but most Voltarians are actually cool people. After I lost the old and negative conception I also realised that a large percentage of girls that gave me the butterflies weirdly happened to be “number-nines”. The 1956 plebiscite was for a good cause after all. Thank you Nkrumah!
I’ve had some really interesting experiences with the opposite sex but sadly none of them includes any of Efo’s children. *sniffs* In this post, I will go all Oprah Winfrey on you and share another one of those experiences. Grab your popcorns!
… a few years ago.
“I love you too,” I added.
We ended a phone conversation that lasted almost an hour. I can’t recall everything but an interesting subject came up. Apparently we were born in the same month but we had just found out because we hadn’t known each other long enough. She dared me to sing a song and I did (nea odo b3y3 me) . I knew I wasn’t Celine Dion but at least I got a compliment for trying.
I slept that night knowing I was committed to another human being. It’s really hard to explain how I felt but it surely wasn’t the feeling I anticipated. That feeling wore off by morning but something still felt off even though I couldn’t place a finger on it.
In the evening, I went studying with a couple of friends, we had a big exam the next day. The last thing I expected was a distraction but you know how things don’t always go as planned. Someone called, and guess who? It was her.
“I’m busy but I can spare a few minutes.” That’s what I should have said but I didn’t. I made a mistake and I paid for it. After telling me about her day, I listened to my dear one rap EL’s “Obuu mor naa” (pardon my Ga) as it played on her TV in the background while my books rolled their eyes at me. Anyway, I managed to survived that and got back to studying. It was a good prep and by God’s grace I was ready for the exam.
While seated at the exam hall, the weird feeling from the previous day returned and this time around it was much stronger than before. It made me very uncomfortable throughout the exam. Deep within me I knew what the solution was but it wasn’t going to be easy.
It had been barely three days into the relationship and here I was knowing surely that it had to end. She’d be shattered I thought. As hard as it was for me to break it to her, I knew it was the right thing to do.
“I’d be lying to us both if I said that I loved you because “love” is something I honestly don’t quite understand yet. I am not saying you are not mature enough to have a boyfriend but you’d be better of focusing your energy on “growing up” and school; especially since I am much more ahead of you academically (she was about to enter senior high school and I was about leaving). It would be wicked and selfish if I strung someone along just for the fun of it knowing fully well that I was hurting their future.”
My words weren’t this well thought out and grammatically structured but at least I communicated something along those lines. She understood.. (or at least I hope she did) and I hung up to save us from any awkward silence.
… present day
Truthfully speaking, back then, I did not fully understand what it meant to be emotionally involved with the opposite sex. Even today I’m still learning all I can.
Love, I found out, can never be a feeling. It has always been a choice. It has always been a decision and will forever remain so. Emotions and feelings are fundamentally chemicals secreted by the brain in response to stimuli. And it’s a no brainer that they are subject to change periodically. I finally understood why people talk about falling in and out of love. The love they talk about is definitely based on a feelings and emotions. The very moment those emotions subside, they feel different about a person and conclude “I don’t love you anymore”.
God loves us unconditionally. In spite of all our crap, He chose to love (not because he felt goosebumps) and die in our stead. In the same vein, if we are going to truly love anyone with the intention of making and keeping them a spouse forever, it must be unconditional. We will make our decision to love them even though we see all their imperfections and the baggage that they carry. No one decides for us. When we choose to love someone unconditionally we must stick with that commitment forever. That way we will not wake up one day falling out of love with the people we told otherwise. Goose bumps and butterflies are natural but they shouldn’t lead the way.
Well, I miss all the singing and rapping with the girl from the past but that tough decision was a good one because today I realise that a concrete decision was never made to love each other. We could have stayed friends but we chose to obey our feelings. Lesson well learnt.
God doesn’t love you because you are lovely. He just does! ~ Andrew Wommack